And More, Much More Than This- I Did It My Way
For the first month that I knew him, Richard sat in the same chair each week, a leather recliner by the window, and listened silently and intently to the music, tapping his feet. When I spoke to him, he responded mostly in one-word answers and avoided eye contact. Quickly, I came to the conclusion that Richard was painfully shy, but I was determined to forge some sort of relationship between us regardless. Now, Richard and I have been working together for about a year and with each passing week, our beautiful friendship continues to flourish.
Richard has moderate Alzheimer’s. While he is still very verbal, he often gets confused when asked basic questions and has a limited short-term memory. When I first met Richard, I tried to connect with him in the way that I was most comfortable- conversation. I tried to ask about his work, his family, his hobbies. This did not get me very far and only caused him frustration. I began to feel defeated; the harder I tried, the worst things got. Until one day, we had an epiphany.
What I did not know was that Richard, in his younger days, was a singer- a fantastic singer, at that. While I could always tell he was enjoying the music, he never sang along with us. One day, however, we introduced a new song into our rotation: My Way by Frank Sinatra. With just the first few opening bars, Richard transformed, and he came alive. With a crooning voice, dripping in a warm vibrato, I heard Richard belt out a few crystal-clear notes. I handed him my microphone and with all the pizazz of a seasoned jazz singer, he sang the song in its entirety, never missing a single note or lyric. An aid rushed into the room upon hearing this and captured it all on video. In that video, sitting behind Richard is me, wiping the tears from my eyes as I’m beaming with unbridled joy. I’ve rewatched that video dozens of times and still get goosebumps.
From there, it was as if a switch had been flipped. We still don’t talk much, but Richard began to sing everything. Now, we sing Beatles songs together, and he fills in the original harmonies with impressive skill. His repertoire is enormous, and he is always thrilled to share his knowledge with me. Each song now is filled with clapping, singing, laughter, and smiles. We have inside jokes now, little movements we like to do to different songs that make each other laugh.
The progress we’ve made together is truly incredible. Richard is a new person, and so am I. He taught me a very important lesson about communication. I had to meet him where he was, without forcing my expectations on him. Despite the lyrics of the song, I learned that I could no longer do things my way. I took Richard’s lead and learned to communicate with him in a way that feels comfortable, safe, and fun for us both, and it’s given me a friendship I will cherish for life.
